wow its 2010.
hmm.. ok.. 22 days past 2010.
But it has beena crazy start so far..
I cant help but say,
its so exciting that sometimes,
i feel that i cant breathe.
SO MUCH new things happening ever since 1/1/2010.
I cant believe it.
But i gotta believe, that God has Great things planned for us. yes. indeed.
I have so many new stuff happening in my life,
let me list it ALL down:
1. new grad sch
2. new friends.
3. new roles and responsibilities
4. new me.
How shall i put this?
I started this year, grasping onto God's promise: That is, GREAT THINGS ARE GONNA COME. Lives are gonna be transformed. I am Part of his Plan.
I am entering into gradschool,doing teaching, im starting to lead a cell, i'm joining new cell, Im gonna meet new friends, Im gonna be really busy, Im gonna serve God.
Im gonna in this amazing marathon. Im gonna be bursting with passion and im gonna shine. Im gonna be so in love with what Im gonna to do.
Everything that Im gonna embark on is not easy.
I chose to step out of my comfort zone, to make new friends. its hard man..
I might be a friendly creature, but yea, at times, i am a hermit crab as well.
Going to a new cell grp, sharing with unknown people. Its not easy.
Worst of all, i had to actually drive to unknown cell place all on my own. (i've never done that)
alot of uncertaintities,
alot of
"maybe i shld just stay in my comfort zone".
but u know what, u'll never know what u might find. And indeed, i found gems.
Found friends that u know will back u and make u grow, and that U wanna back them up as well.
Thank God for them.
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Leading new cell is scary.
I hafta be an inspiration,
I hafta be doing what I preach,
I hafta be spotless.
But u know what,
Im just Cindy.
I am not perfect,
Im afraid too.
But I know,
I want to inspire.
I want to be used by God.
I want to be rememebered.
I want to change someone's life for the better.
I have missed the chance of having that special relationship with God for 25 years of my life, Im not gonna waste any more of my time.
I am grateful for this chance to know Him again.
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Being a teacher is gonna be SO exciting,
my goal?
I want kids to look at me and think:
"Shes awesome. And Im gonna be just like her next time."
This start is bursting with lots of passion and excitment,
full of hope and great faith,
and this moment is powerful.
VERY powerful.
And 50 years down the road,
I want to still have the same moment.
I still wanna feel the fire, the joy.
Im sure I will.
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But yup, on the 21st day of 2010,
I fell. I paused.
"Can i not be me for a moment?"
Im exhausted.
For those who know me really well,
i guess u r used to my whinny moments:
I dun wanna be brave anymore.
I dun wanna be gd at everything anymore.
I just wanna sleep.
I just wanna switch off for abit.
I just wana hear people say
"its ok.. its ok to not be gd at whatever u r doing.."
I just wanna be loved.
Its like what if superman says
"I hate flying to save people.
I just wanna take a slow bus ride, and enjoy the ride, listen to my ipod and ignore SOS calls. Let the trains crash let the world wreck into pieces, I just want my own peace."
rawr.
I know i just like to whine for a bit,
i know I will pick up.
lol.
I know Im way better than that whinny puppy.
lol.
Today, the 22nd,
Im done with whinning.
LOL.
Last night was a long night for whinning.
Im back again.
I can do great things! =)
and even if i fall,
my life wld still be full of hopes.
You can turn off the sun,
but Im still gonna shine.
PS: I miss home. I think Im gonna thr emotional crashes becos im missing out on love therapies. thats just part of me that is so incomplete. But I know I will pull through.
Proverbs 3:5-6
trust in the Lord with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make you paths straight.
God bless everyone.
xoxo.